RHONJ 9/9: Cavemen and Catfights

9/9 Episode of RHONJ overview:

1) Men are usually neanderthals but sometimes perform daily household tasks

2) Catfight!

3) Little girls love FASHION! Adult women love to SEXUALIZE CHIDREN!

4) Former housewives sink right back into the drama when they return to their natural environment(a reality television show)


1) On the most recent episode of RHONJ, there is evidence (just a little) that the human species may be evolving.

The episode begins with the Gorgas and the Giudices sending their kids off to school.

In the Gorga household: Joe uses Country Crock margarine to oil the pancake griddle, but at least he’s doing something other than getting naked and/or harassing Melissa.  Normally, on a given morning, he’s standing behind Melissa as she makes pancakes, performing humping motions in the air and telling her she has a great ass.  This is a nice change of pace.

Over in the Giudice household: Juicy is making bagged lunch for the kids.


As the kids are leaving on the school bus, Teresa remarks, “I’m worried about what’s going to come out of her (Milania) mouth in school.”  In other words: Milania might mention the time daddy did a back flip and busted his tooth, or the time he called mommy a c*nt, or the numerous incidents during which mommy got mad and tried to punch people and flip tables, or (worst of all) the fact that her whole life is on camera and her parents are awful and can she have a new family, please?

But I digress: I think this episode is the “Our husbands are not total misogynists” episode, where we get to see the Joes acting like human beings instead of grunting neanderthals.

Unfortunately, Kathy’s husband Rich ruins all of Joe and Juicy’s hard work and acts like a total tool.  When discussing whether or not his daughter will be able to do her own laundry in college, he says, “Doing laundry isn’t rocket science.  If I were a woman, I’m sure I could learn it.”  Emphasis on the word IF.  Thanks, Rich.  Nice move.

Joe Gorga before a haircut.

2) There are many confrontations on this episode: Kathy and Teresa have a “talk” about the fact that Teresa didn’t include Kathy in a toast, and Caroline and Teresa have a “talk” about Caroline’s attack on Teresa.  Kathy and Teresa make awkward passive-aggressive jabs like always, and Melissa and Caroline circle around and around the issues.  Melissa actually tells Caroline she was wrong to attack Teresa in Napa (“We’re not in high school”) and Caroline blinks and retreats.

Caroline won’t give Melissa the verbal bashing she’s willing to unload on the RHONJ “villain” of the moment (it was Danielle, now it’s Teresa).  Basically she’s  a wimpy wimp, which makes me dislike her even more.  If you’re going to be mean and outspoken some of the time, do it all the time, not just with dummies who are easy to kick (like Teresa).

One point in Caroline’s favor: she says she feels there’s a “monkey off her back” now that Teresa’s out of her life.  Monkey, is right!  A monkey in a wig, to be precise (see my post on this topic: https://realhousewivesrealprofessor.wordpress.com/2012/09/03/a-monkey-and-a-lady/)!  Teresa’s hairline is very strange:

3) Melissa also takes the girls (Teresa’s daughters and her own daughter) to do lots of “girly” things like get pedicures and try on clothes.  Sexualizing children can be SO SO SO FABULOUS!

4)  THE RETURN OF DINA!     Former housewife Dina returns to attend Teresa’s launch party for an alcoholic beverage line (is this all the housewives can do?  See Bethany from NYC!).  She arrives at the party, immediately trips over her own ankles, and then “validates everything I (Teresa) knew all along.”  Good job, Dina!  You just pumped up the ego of a narcissist/sociopath!

Overall, this episode was pretty lackluster.  I can’t wait until next week, when Teresa accuses Melissa of being a stripper (according to the sneak peek).


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