Sunday (8/26) and Monday (8/27) were very important days for Real Housewives fanatics. On the 8/27 episode of Real Housewives of New Jersey, (some) viewers discovered that Teresa can occasionally control her raging temper, even when she is up against a very menopausal, very angry Caroline Manzo. Caroline repeatedly called Teresa “ugly” (well, she called her soul ugly, which is worse than saying she’s physically ugly, but considering Teresa’s intellect she probably doesn’t understand the concept of an ugly soul, so the insult was for naught). And, shock of all shocks, Teresa’s brother Joe and her sister in law Melissa booked an early flight home in order to show their support for “family” (Teresa being family-family, Caroline being “the family”, if you believe the rumors about her mafia involvement). The argument began because of, yep, those fucking cookbooks. Teresa was being “FUNNY!” when she said Caroline was as Italian as the Olive Garden. “I was being FUNNY! HA HA!” While I find Teresa insufferable, I did appreciate her attempt to act like a normal human being. Caroline, on the other hand, has maybe been on RHONJ for too long; she is genuinely starting to look and act really mean and unhappy. I’m not sure if she’s having difficulty in her life, etc, but, she might invest in some therapy? If she isn’t favoring her sons, she’s calling her daughter fat. Her “mama bear” persona is morphing into an “emotionally abusive bear” like real quick.

On the 8/27 episode of Real Housewives of New York, a bomb dropped, an actual, real scandal (and not just a scandal invented by the producers and/or participants for the sake of drama): Luann De Lesseps seemingly cheated on her long-time partner Jacques while in St. Barts with the ladies. It’s always an a-ha! moment with reality television, when you realize you are watching an actual drama unfold as opposed to a manufactured drama. Watching “real” reality is a sort of eerie experience, in some ways, because then there’s nagging sympathy; I feel a little bad watching somebody actually ruin their own lives, as opposed to watching somebody pretend to ruin their own lives for the viewer’s pleasure. Get what I’m saying? Feeling like the reality show participant is “in on” the joke is pleasurable, and leaves us free to watch without guilt. This is the reason Jersey Shore occasionally makes me feel awful about myself as a human being; these people are addicts. Then again, they get paid twenty grand an episode to be addicts in public. Can I be an addict too?

So, anyway, the scandal:


Throughout the course of the RHONY episode, the ladies get wilder and wilder, drunker and drunker, sleazier and sleazier. They go to a cute, kitschy bar and dance on tables (embarrassing!). Don’t get me wrong, these ladies are hot, fashionable, funny, etc etc, but, they also range from ages forty to fifty. There’s an air of desperation about the bar scene, the tequila shots, Luann’s glassy eyed observations that Tomas, a French Johnny Depp look-a-like, is hot. Sort of like watching fifty year old men hit on twenty year old girls. Which, by the way, happens all the time. So, maybe the NYC ladies are evening the score a bit.

After Luann announces her attraction to Tomas multiple times, she then proceeds to stay at the bar later than anybody else, and, at least according to Heather, she brings Tomas back to her room! GASP! I wasn’t about to believe Heather, but then stupid old Luann makes a “private” (nothing is private on RHONY) phone call in which she admits she brought Tomas home! To top it all off, she calls Jacques later, and mentions she hung out with “Italian friends,” and of course does not mention Tomas at all.

To give her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she and Jacques have a “set up”, if you know what I mean (to be blunt: they’re swingers). But, then again, if this were the case, why would she lie to him? Was it for the benefit of the women? Does she fear the women’s judgement more than Jacques’? This is almost a philosophical question: do we behave “morally” in our monogamous relationships at least partially so others don’t judge us? Do we hide affairs and infidelities not just from our partners but from the world? Who’s more harsh? Our partner or the world? I knew a woman once who forgave her husband his affairs, but her friends wouldn’t speak to him at parties. So, her friends were ultimately harder on her husband than she was. And, look at Hillary Clinton! Certainly the world has been harder on Bill for his affairs than she has been, at least on the surface. Is our puratanical, monogamous marital tradition rooted in a desire to keep up with the Joneses? What do you think?

So, re-cap: Teresa maintained composure and Caroline went crazy. Luann fucked a hot French guy. FUN!

Do you guys think she cheated on Jaques? Do you care? And also, do you think Carole has a great ass, great enough for George Cloony to tap it? She’s definitely super cool and cute, but her ass is, um, well, she’s kinda skinny…which usually doesn’t result in the best ass, in my opinion.

AND: who do you side with? Teresa or Caroline?

AlSO: Am I the sucker for thinking Luann’s infidelity is NOT just a publicity stunt?


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